Tumult
by lady tecuma
Summary: Oneshot. Kevin reflects on his choices, and his fears...Minor spoiler for XS II.


**Tumult**

He was afraid.

**_No one can be a slave of two masters._**

In truth, he had been like this for a long time now. Ever since he had met _her_.

**_He will hate one and love the other._**

He had everything planned, everything in order.

**_He will be loyal to one and despise the other._**

Why Wilhelm hadn't discovered his treachery by now was beyond him.

_I've tried…I've tried so hard to deny these feelings! To become perfect, emotionless…like Voyager. But…_He looked down at one red-covered hand. _I've failed. I've failed, and now all that remains is for my folly to catch up to me. And it all started with her…_But he couldn't be angry, not with her…she was innocent as a newborn child in this matter.

_A fly caught in a spider's web. Only when she finally discovers the danger she's in, she'll be too entangled to break free. _He fisted his hand. _And when that happens, will I be able to stand idly by? Or will I find myself becoming the Judas Iscariot once more?_

_----_

Heart in his throat, unable to comprehend what he was hearing, he stared at the slender figure sitting behind the desk.

"Why…why…why me?" He finally got out. "I'm nobody special."

"On the contrary." Claret eyes met his own. "For someone so young, your will is very strong." A ghost of a smile, which quickly faded as the slender form stood up and walked around the desk towards the large bank of windows, and then turned around to face him.

"Well? What is your answer?" Blue eyes rose to meet claret ones.

"I'll do it." A small smile.

"Excellent." And with that, Kevin had committed his soul, forsaking everything except for the execution of Wilhelm's plans. KOS-MOS's development was approved by the Federation, and he had taken charge, vowing not to let himself develop any connections to anyone. But that had changed when he had first met her…

_My name is Shion Uzuki._

When he had first met her, he had taken one look at her, and then mentally dismissed her, thinking she had only made it to the First Division because either her parents "knew" somebody or she was the lover of one of the "higher-ups"…who had probably fired some person who had actually deserved the promotion to put this ditz in their place… And in the beginning he had treated her as so, he remembered, guilt pricking at him. Yet despite how he treated her, she still had that smile, that gentle personality…and that strong work ethic. How many times had he come in to see her fast asleep at her console, or waking up in the middle of the night to see her sneak in, shooting a cautious look over at him before seating herself at her station and activating it? And then…

_How is the newest member of your team doing? _

"She's doing well." Kevin answered. Wilhelm nodded thoughtfully.

_Good. I was afraid that she would have a hard time adjusting to her new position, but I'm glad to see everything is working out well._ Kevin started.

"Wait a minute…you were the one who placed her here?"

_Of course. She does not look like it, but she is a valuable and crucial part of the plan. And it is important for KOS-MOS to have close contact with her._ The blue-haired man felt like he had been punched in the stomach. How could have he misjudged so badly?!

_And that was when I started to stray. _He had only wanted to make amends, and so he had started to reciprocate back…friendship had bloomed, and not just between her and him. Allen, Togashi...he was now one of the "guys". KOS-MOS...he could no longer keep his objective distance, too much of his heart had been poured into her. Shion…. What had started out just as simple friendship, something innocent and harmless had turned into something more, and the blue-haired man found himself powerless to fight it. Now _he_ was the one trapped in the spider's web, the one tied down by the chains of emotional attachment.

_I wonder if that is the reason why he would not grant me my full power? _Sighing, he removed his mask and looked in the mirror, remembering.

_Master, why won't you let me help?! _

_Be patient. It is not the right time for you to ascend onto the stage...where you are now is where you can do the most good._

_But…_

_Your time will come. _

So Kevin had to be satisfied with that answer, and channel his impatience in his work…fortunately a fresh outlet for his irritation soon sprang forth, birthing yet another chain, another thread of spider's silk, tying him down even more tightly in the web… The military's involvement in the KOS-MOS project was starting to get out of control, up to the point where they were starting to clamor to replace a good majority of the Vector programming with their own…it was the last and final straw. Desperate, he had racked his brain for a solution, _some_ way to fix this situation, cursing himself for his weakness….wasn't that the reason why he was in this fix now?! But as hard as he tried, he could not blame his friends, blame _her_…the only one he could blame was himself. **_He_** was the one who had chosen this road, who had made these decisions. Whatever the repercussions were, he deserved them…and he would take them head-on. But then…

_There's been a change of plans._

The perfect solution…and he had jumped madly at it, clutching it like how a drowning man would grasp at a life preserver. It would set them back quite a bit, yes, but it gave him _time_. Time that he needed to sort out his feelings, get his priorities straight…but when it came to her, he would never be able to straighten anything out. Surely Master Wilhelm wouldn't mind…Kevin could not bear the thought of loosing Shion, and every day he scorned himself more and more for how he was using her. This self-hatred only grew worse as he worked on the program that would cripple this KOS-MOS, her and his friends' work…all shot to hell with one press of a button. But he **had** to do this…the alternative was something he could not bear to even contemplate. The night before KOS-MOS's activation he gave the Connection Gear with his program to Cherenkov, and then found Shion in the lab afterwards...some meaningless conversation mixed with lies followed, and then he sent her off to bed, the taste of betrayal bitter on his tongue as he watched her leave....

----

It didn't go the way it was supposed to. Horror-stricken he watched as KOS-MOS jerkily sat up, her limbs twitching.

_Something's wrong!_ Then the lights went out, and the screaming started. Kevin moved quickly, breaking free of the cuffs and disappearing from view of his captors, reappearing in a crouch behind a table.

_What the hell happened?! She's not supposed to act like this!_ Desperate, he grabbed his Gear and stood up just in time to see KOS-MOS-tear the head off a U-TIC solider. _The program was only supposed to destroy her systems quietly…_

"KOS-MOS!" The familiar voice cut through his thoughts…he turned his head, seeing Shion standing not too far away, her green eyes wide with shock. Before his lips could form the words to cry out, the android turned towards the sound of the voice…the Gear slipped from Kevin's nerveless fingers, chills racing through him as he realized what was about to happen.

_No!_ Desperate, he threw himself in front of Shion. Before he could open his mouth to beg, to plead for his daughter to stop he received several brutal blows, and then the feeling of something slamming into his chest. Kevin stiffened, indescribable pain knifing through him, followed by freezing cold.

_KOS…KOS-MOS…_ From a distance, he felt himself fall backwards, a pair of warm arms catching him. _Shion… _Then the cold took over, and he knew no more. His next memory had been that of waking up to see Wilhelm in front of him…he was clad in the red cloak that he wore now, his face not masked yet…

"Welcome."

"Wha? What…what happened?"

"You have finally ascended. I am sorry it had to come at so high a price, however…" Kevin's heart seized at those words, apprehension arcing through him.

"KOS-MOS?"

"Dead." Guilt washed through the blue-haired man, he hadn't meant for any of this to happen…then a frightening thought occurred to him.

_No…_ Wilhelm tilted his head slightly.

"Is something troubling you?"

"…S…Shion." Kevin got out in an antagonized whisper. "Is…is she…" An understanding look crossed the Vector CEO's face, and he shook his head. Relief washed through Kevin, she hadn't died, she was safe…then his current situation sank in, and his head whipped up towards Wilhelm.

"I'm…"

"Yes. You are." Now it was happiness that arced through Kevin's system, though he didn't dare show it. He had finally proven himself worthy…it didn't matter what he had done, the end had always justified the means, and this was a prime example. But two days later, standing hidden in the shadows of a weeping willow tree in the _Dammerung_'s graveyard…

_Why! Why, damn you…why did you do it?! _Harsh sobbing. _I'm the one supposed to be lying there…not you!_ With every tear that fell from Shion's eyes, Kevin felt as if the skin was slowly being peeled off of his body, the knife stabbing deep into his heart, and twisting...

_I had to do it. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you; I was…only supposed to use you._ Finally, unable to bear the sound of her weeping, he faded away, forcing his heart to harden, not to reflect on his memories of her…

But he was unsuccessful. Wilhelm assigned him to watch (and of course, interfere) over the construction of the second KOS-MOS, and that meant watching Shion take his position as head of the development team…throwing herself into her work much like how he had once done, sacrificing nearly everything for the sake of KOS-MOS's perfection…even a social life.

_Why hasn't she found someone else?! It's been two years!_ He had hoped…no, **_prayed_** that Shion would find someone else to love, somebody who deserved it more than him. But she hadn't. He had been able to keep his feelings at bay for two years...but now, with things starting to come to a head, he wasn't too sure if he could keep them locked away any longer. _Shion, why?! If only you had found some other man, or have returned Allen's feelings by now, then this wouldn't be so hard!_ But deep down within he knew this was a lie, even if Shion had found another to love, he still would be longing for her...longing mixed with jealousy.

_And now all the players have assembled, and the curtain is about to rise…_ He looked down at his hands. _From now on, we are enemies. No matter how much I may want it, how much my soul screams for it, I cannot be gentle with you, Shion. When you learn of my betrayal, what I've done, I cannot even ask for your forgiveness. _He drew in a shuddering breath. Behind him, Voyager materialzed.

"It's time." He said; his voice emotionless as always. Kevin nodded, reaching down for his mask.

"I'm coming." For now, he would perform his duties. At this point, all he could do was live one minute at a time...in fear, of course. Wilhelm had let his mistake slide once...but he wouldn't let it go a second time.


End file.
